SimplyASurvivor

Time is an illusion; time does not make a difference – someone you have known for 1 week can leave more of an impact on your life then someone you have known for your entire existence. Do not confuse time with purpose.

AG

You are in control of how you react. You can be big or made to feel small in just the flip of a switch. Or – You can remain constant. Good news is the choice is yours. Who do you give the power to? The universe, them or yourself?

Alone.. I am traveling alone.. something I thought I’d never say. Here I am surrounded by strangers on this 6 hour flight. I get it, sounds like no big deal, but if you knew me and my level of anxiety and panic-it’s huge. I’m so inspired by life and all the hardships and even glory and greatness of it all. Life is nothing short of amazing. I am grateful to be able to experience this kind of hope. Our life truly starts outside of our comfort zones. Who knew the things you fear are the things that are the most exhilarating.. it’s true. Simply a survivor, yes. More importantly a survivor in the thriving process. Today I beat a lot of things, I felt my body go into a normal state of panic when I sat down and looked out of my window seat, I can’t lie and say I didn’t think about jumping up and fleeting the thought of being away from everything I know in MD for 5 days. Instead I closed my eyes and I took a deep breath, I thought about the feeling of letting go and leaving fear behind me long enough to reach 10,000 feet in the air. Well, at that point there is no turning back around. I get joy out of sharing my story’s on here. I really hope they help anyone who reads them. I love finding myself in all the mayhem, there are two very important days in your human existence- the day you are born and the day you discover why.

Your tears are flowing, your heart hurts. The realization of their words makes you question who you really are, even if only half of what they say ‘is’ true.. They’re still not right. Sometimes the weight of the world can be just to much to handle. Your tears are here to wash away the uncertainty. You grew after you cried on your way to work today. Your tears were a reflection o the pain you have let linger. Now not only did you grow from the hurt you’ve held onto – You have perfect vision.

• SURVIVOR

Your work family is so important and crucial to your life. I am blessed to have an amazing one.

I will keep this post simple, because I can not force it. I have neglected my own passions to ”try” to be present at home, to my kids, to my mother, to my job. Present enough to better my circumstances, to take it all in to take in the sweet laughter of my children reading a book they don’t know all of the words to. I tried to focus in on work and how I am going to challenge myself to learn more and to be better than I was yesterday, with all things considered. I use to have at least one meltdown a week and now I can’t even remember the last time I shed a tear. I am so wrapped up in everything else. Wrapped up in circumstances that makes no sense to me at all….. Anxiety has always played a part in my life, but she just creeped her way in and out like some sort of drifter who was unsure if they really wanted to live with me forever, turns out – she did. I missed my little safety net here in my journal (so I call it) In becoming absent to be present – a lot has taken place and if I wrote it all on here at once I wouldn’t go to sleep tonight. 2020 has been the year my friends… Its been the year of the ultimate change. Mental health is at an all time high, and so is child abuse, domestic violence, and kidnapping, but somehow that’s all been masked by – MASKS, germ ex, school closings, and a pandemic that has shut down all of our human rights. I for one am over it. I don’t care who is offended by my lack of response. Truthfully, I felt to much in the beginning of all this. I was a wreck I felt myself in complete shock everyday that I woke up in mass panic wondering if I was making the right choice as a parent to leave the house to go to the grocery store, until I realized everyone around me doing the same thing…. we were slaves to this. We had no faith, we had given up hope. The end is near we kept hearing, maybe it is, but the end is always near, because you just never know. In doing all of this over thinking I lost touch of my reality. I forgot that I enjoy living life, writing, I enjoy long talks with my girlfriends the (belly laughs) and my authenticity that I know I have. So here I am back in my journal listening to only my thoughts. I miss reading, I miss not feeling sick to my stomach making sure that I am doing everything perfectly, I miss church, I miss freely dancing around my bedroom as if no one is watching and strangely I miss ugly crying when I feel to much – I lost touch with me, and I am angry at myself for allowing all of this. If anyone is reading this please once a day do something YOU love, and do not feel guilty for making it a priority.

xoxo

Today I am going to make it through, despite my own demons. I am going to be strong enough to lift someone else’s spirits and make their world brighter

Xoxo