SimplyASurvivor

I was driving to work this morning and I was listening to my daily podcasts when an overwhelming stream of thoughts crossed over me.

We change so much in just one year, and if we all knew what we knew now last year or the year before how much we would have changed or better yet, done differently. First thing is first without making those prior mistakes we wouldn’t have known any better now, and wisdom is something to hold on to. I want to be free from all negativity, I want to learn more, I never thought id say I want to fall again, but damn without the fall what am I learning? All of the things I have learned have been where I was too small to see that the glass was still half full, and to busy kicking it to see if there was even a drop left. I have learned that you really cant look at someone on the surface and define them, you have no idea what they have been through in order to be there, or better yet what they didn’t do, knowing nothing about the world might actually be more horrifying. Perhaps, some of us are not designed to get slapped in the face by the challenges of life and how difficult it is to put your game face on for these people that think you’re fine, and you got this, just because you always figure it out does not mean from time to time you need guidance.. Where were you a year from now? Where were you 2 years from now? where are you now? Are you building, or are you self destructing. The truth is that only you have the answers to that, You are just trying to talk yourself out of your answers because they’re not what you want. In 2020 make it an effort to put what destroying you completely out, do not set it on fire, drown it in water and let it wash away, fire is mayhem and will destroy the good that is left waiting for you. So much changes in one year so lets not be blinded by the length of time we are given by today’s set backs.

I keep pinching myself, this can’t be real. I guess good things are meant for me after all. I keep preparing myself to wake up from this dream that seems so dreamy and not the sappy type of dreamy, but the realization that this year may be the year for me to strike back. I fell off the map ”slightly” as far as not sharing my good news to the public until it becomes reality, because the truth is once you share your good news to the public any bad energy that gets thrown at you co exists and without you knowing sends negative energy into your world. Anyways, I am here and I am here to say I am ok. Now, you may not see much of me as I am staying to myself – hidden is where I feel most at peace, surrounded by humans that actually give a damn about me and have been apart of my success and thriving journey. I am sorry to whoever still drives past my house or turns their neck for my old car, they are no longer mine, and I am no longer a prisoner to my past. Here I stand ready to take on another year, another chapter that I am truly excited to write.

Love, Ang

when I say find your peace and then find your happiness it sounds backwards, because we often time think that in order to find peace we need to be happy first, negative. How on earth can you be happy when you are not peaceful within your own body/mind? I get it we have really high days and in return we have low days, it’s inevitable, this time I am not gonna say I’m working on it because the day I found my peace I was free, free enough to start a blog, free enough to rid myself of toxicity, free enough to understand my past and grow from it instead of drown in the “what if’s” what I will say is this, once you find your peace you will no longer replay your “not so peaceful days” over and over in your head, and wonder how you accepted the bullshit you put up with. You are free of those days. Happiness is sought out now, and whenever you encounter anything of your “not so peaceful days” you flee from them and you see them clearly. Happiness is not only a feeling it’s an outward look, happiness makes your skin glow. Happiness protects you in so many ways, ultimately making you a better version of yourself. If you can’t find peace I understand. You will find yourself again, maybe a few times because we’ll- it’s not easy. I hear often that happiness is the best revenge, but when you are truly happy “revenge” isn’t on your to do list. Furthermore, you find peace typically after you’ve accepted that the bad days are still going to sneak up on you and you can handle them. I pray whoever is reading this that you find your peace first, because you deserve happiness too, it starts with putting an end to bad behavior, and things that take a piece of your soul. It’s good to “love people” but make sure they love you too, and it’s good to be there for people, but make sure they’re there for you in return. Lastly, have confidence that you can take on the world, because you can if you set your mind up for it. Hang out with people who are “out of your league” and rid yourself of the ones who look down on you because they’re simply in your way.

For the person who has been slandered by being vulnerable. I know that you were trying to be you, in a world full of everyone else. –

She told you her inner demons and you heard her, but with Ill intentions. You tucked them away like you’d be starving later, in hopes to destroy her, for your validation within, you’re crooked, and she’s weak for being vulnerable as we speak. Your eyes gave her a safe place to let her guard down, you blinded her with greatness/fraud, she trusted you with her battles and you left her defeated. Once again another person who was temporary to her life. She sits in the church pew wondering how to know the difference between real and fake as the pastor blurts our equality in every persons face. She forgives 100 more times same song same dance. She swallows her pride as well, with another bitter taste, she got up from every dinner table baring disgrace- clinching firmly to the dinner plates with anxiety written in bold letters on her face. Anything that made her feel whole also gave her a sense of discomfort. It was like she didn’t belong to anything of the normal, the world has corrupted her train of mind. So as you look at her as if she is below you, she believes you. Are they intimated by potential, maybe? As she slams the door shut and disregards her own beliefs she silences her thoughts and let’s the world speak, she finally heard something in the midst of the silence that she’d never heard before, her worth is to pricey to lay down in these people’s hands. So she washes them clean, and starts over again.

We’re humans. We make mistakes, every single one of us. So don’t lie to yourself and point the finger at your opponent because their last mistake was “bigger” than yours. It’s you vs you- if you can live by this, well.. the world is yours, if we could all live by this the world would be less hostile. of course. Just a thought, but it’s never to late to start over. After all, we as humans can’t endure feeling as if we are the victim or the villain every single day and night. Talk about a sad way to live. Instead, forgive yourself, more importantly don’t repeat what you so desperately are seeking forgiveness for. Cry, scream or lay there in a deep silence reflecting on what occurred. Move on, I promise you once you forgive yourself and mean it, you are no longer guilty of the ones who have yet to forgive you. Lets face it, in their eyes you are the same, but you can look them in the eyes and yourself in the mirror with a clean slate again. Don’t be sorry for forgiving yourself, even during the darkest of all of your storms- the sun is going to shine again- it’s inevitable. If we were to all re live or broadcast all of the wrong we have done on display.. well- we’d all be pretty damn shameful, wouldn’t we? Life was not designed to recycle your baggage, you are you. Lastly, your prior mistakes have built you, me, and the rest of us. So forgive yourself every single night and every single day, even if they haven’t.