SimplyASurvivor

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No thank you she said as she laid her head on her pillow full of tears. Undeserving of my letters you people never read. Candid they called those pictures of me at my happiest no edit needed, till the rumors and the noise left her defeated, just a ticking bomb reading to explode she held it together because she simply cared to much, tucked it away for the next day to come back and remind herself of who she knew she was.

Worthless was all that was left the next morning as she vaguely restarts the day like a dream state in her awaking days she becomes the pray.

Hopeless she smiles at these faces on the street they see her everyday but never knew her. She loved to make them laugh. Someone was there to witness her effortless hand in giving. Typical Monday morning to the crowd, her presence seemed so kind as well as her eyes, after all she was good at hiding in disguise as a woman who survived.

Untrusting of another day she held onto. Wishing things would just come together for the sake of sanity. She looked good to these people for the sake of vanity. Until one day she cried and her tears turned into anger how dare you point the finger as I lie frozen here wishing one of you would have noticed this undesired fear. You see the strong ones are mistaken for having it all together. How unfair, stuck in an empty shell with writings left unread. She had it all together I swear these people said. Tragedy has to happen for them to see. What kind of world have we turned into. Seemingly enough we get pleasure out of cutting each other and watching others bleed. Truthfully this is not the way it was intended to be. We break others and when they turn we wonder. Give us shelter and then shatter our windows for your own selfish intentions. Only she knew deep down who she was regardless of this town and for the first time she gave her self back that right to know her value, in stealing back her pride she was left knowing she was worth something to be so targeted, and that was when her entire world shifted.

Today was a new day for that woman. Tears turned into peace as she no longer had to pretend. She realized who stuck around and who had been there to watch her bend. Unexpectedly a form of herself she had to show in order to turn the hurt into growth. Strangers hands never felt more kind, as they were her support after all this time. New faces now She see’s. Acquiring a support system that seems to good to be true, a new life starts with a truer you.

Peacefully knowing She will never be perfect but who wants to be afraid of being your authentic self. Comfort zones are to occurring these days, She refuses to be held hostage in those dissimulting days, for here She is herself standing tall with a trusting support team, off guard she was no longer, only candid.

Xoxo- Ang❤️

Mommy issues aren’t typically talked about these days my assumption is they’re less common maybe I’m wrong. I wish things were different for me as I am now a mommy myself desperately seeking advise from more experienced moms it’s hard. What’s even harder is wishing my mom was around more to count on and depend on. Another call from mom seeking help gets old when I need help myself, envy isn’t the way I want to feel when I catch myself holding back tears and running to the nearest bathroom to cry when I see a mother and a daughter doing simple things like going out for dinner. So Mom, I respect your decision that I wasn’t enough reason to get your act together but I’m damn sure I was worth it. You should be proud but your unable to feel any emotion that’s normal. A million times I need a non judge mental shoulder to cry on and I find myself venting to the wrong people, I want to be mad at you and I want to never speak to you again some days but I remember the mom I once had at a younger age that was stolen from me and not by death but simply an addiction/disease. I’m not sorry for writing this mom and Im not sorry for trying to be better then who you have become Im simply sorry that you can’t be apart of it anymore. This letter is a good read for anyone with “mommy issues” it’s not your fault you’ve been thrown into a world face first without life tips of that perfect picture mom you see on tv. If you’re feeling like you are less then these days because of your mommy issues,you’re not. I struggle with thinking I’m unwanted or unworthy because I don’t have that but I’ve come to learn that I’m stronger because I push to be double the woman I might have been and the journey is not easy and I am still learning, I have had to love myself double and the people I surround myself double in order to fill this void and you should be proud of yourself double because you made it this far and I can’t wait to see where I end up. Love, the woman with “mommy issues”

You see my WHY is very important to me.

My why is my children simple enough. They gave my life its purpose and little quiet moments when we are just watching movies I’ve seen a billion times or hearing them argue about who’s mommy I am is all so special, the bond we share is the completion of my being and I’ll never ever have any regrets on my choice to have kids at a young age. What’s your why?

As we get older we run into more life problems and we figure out more life solutions, as it is a double edge sword once we conquer each quest. I’d like to think god never gives us more then we can handle, he must think we are strong if only we had believed in us as much as he does. Let’s talk about how things that should have broke us didn’t and how the rest of the world is utterly confused on how we are still standing and more importantly smiling? Is the world happy for us. Maybe? Maybe not? I believe very few people cheer for success so when they do never let those people go. If our mind sets worked as well as they did when we are left NO other option we would be on top of the world full fledge panic mode always gets the job done, in my case anyways maybe motherhood shaped me or simply making ends meet as a single mother alone. Working multiple jobs or deciding which priority is less important we have all been there a time or two, challenges also get our hearts mislead into thinking we have to prove to the world what we are capable of while waving instead of closing the curtains we open them and flick the ones who were not cheering for us off. Instead of ignoring them and giving our attention to the ones who stood beside us at our lowest. Let’s be silent and pay more attention to the ones who never left us while we climbed that mountain and the mountain soon to come. #simplysurviving we will make it for good eventually. #wearenotaloneinthis

So we are so desperately all trying to find ourselves and what truly sets a fire inside of our soul. Love and romance isn’t always the answer with another human, I promise you. I’ve found myself happier alone, doing things I love getting lost in a book or a sheet of a paper or traveling with my closest friends, roll your windows down turn up your favorite music on a Wednesday at 11 am. Fuck what people think. Weekends are not the only time to celebrate, change of scenery is one of the best things into tricking your mind if your deep enough that you have “ran away” from life even just for the night. We are only bound to what we bound ourselves to, it’s ok to not go by the book all the time . In fact you are the author of your own life and your own happiness so find yourself over and over again and you will realize that the only person who can determine that fire in your soul is you. #befree #letyourhairdown #music #travel #writing #appetiteforlife

Today I was rejected and rejection doesn’t always mean the way it sounds, It comes in a lot of forms. Simple things like when you know you are a good writer. A damn good one at that but you just happened to be at the right place at the wrong time and didn’t apply your skill, maybe it was a test, anyway the criticism stings and I’d say what’s more frustrating is knowing your value. Keep your head up. Today I was put in this fire and Instead of burning in the flames I jumped out as quickly as I could not because I am afraid of the burn, but simply because I didn’t need to be burned in the first place. Not all people can see your value and don’t let one set back determine your worth. You are not a failure. We have all be rejected in some form. #latenightthought #vent #applyyoursef

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton